Should You Contact Your Ex After A Divorce?

Divorces are tricky—you know they definitely close the door to a relationship. But yet you also know that they are your last shot to changing your ex’s mind towards a decision that involves reuniting together, a white picket fenced house, and happily ever after. And so a common occurrence for divorcees and those undergoing the process of divorce is to desperately and frantically communicate with exes, even to the point of almost stalking them. If you are itching to do the same, you have to know one single thing: constantly sending messages to your ex will not make you win your ex back. This has never worked in the past and this will never work on your case.

So What Do You Do Instead?

We urge you to take the 30-day No Contact Challenge. This is a strategy that has been advocated by relationship gurus and sworn as effective by numerous couples who have gotten together after breakups and divorce. Basically, it involves you not communicating with your ex for at least a month. And yes, this includes social media so say goodbye to Facebook status replies and obsessive Instagram likes.

Why You Should Fly Under The Radar

The idea behind the No Contact Strategy is simple. You have just gotten out of a divorce, and you and your ex may be feeling ruffled. In these instances, it is very difficult to recall the magic and the novelty that first brought you together. Allow your ex to remember you by making him or her miss you. Also, if you bombard your ex with messages, he or she will feel confident that you are still heads over heels in love with them. You have laid your cards on the table, and to be honest, there is no thrill in that. Allow a sense of mystery to envelope your ex so that he/she will wonder why you have not contacted him/her. Have you found somebody else? Have you forgotten about your ex? All these are sure to pique your ex’s interest, and just might make the sparks fly on your next meeting.

Some Rules to Get By

What if I need to return some things to my ex? What if I need to check on our dog? What if I need to make arrangements on our house, our kids, our mortgages? There are thousands of excuses that you can come up post divorce that would justify why you ought to contact your ex. The rule of the No Contact strategy is this: unless your excuse is a matter of life or death (and we mean this literally), no excuse is accepted. Yes, he or she was your life for the longest time, but you can certainly remain alive without them (well, at least for a month). Logistical arrangements can wait, and you can always see your kids without seeing your ex. You need to be consistent in your desire to accomplish this challenge, or else it will not work. Also, as has been said, any form of communication is not allowed. Twitter may only allow 160 characters, but that is also covered by this rule—no tweeting, calling, writing or dropping by to “Say Hi!”

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What About Accidental Meet-Ups?

You need not run towards the opposite direction when you meet your ex. You only need to be gracious, greet her, and walk away. There is no need for a post divorce reflective session, no need to pour your heart out. Smile, say hello and end the conversation.

True, this strategy may sound quite harsh, especially since all you really want is to undo the divorce and get your ex back, but this is the strategy that has worked for a lot of people. Surely, it will not hurt to try.

Elena Brobovsky

Hello! My name is Elena Brobovsky and I own and run this website, I'm a relationship expert dedicated to help married couples stay together.

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